How to Avoid “Over-Stimulating” Your Child
The sight of a baby surrounded by family members giving kisses, tickling her, and swapping out toy after toy to amuse her is not uncommon.
It’s well known that leaving a baby or young child alone for long periods of time is not helpful for their emotional, cognitive, or physical development. However, in an attempt to provide sufficient love and attention, parents may inadvertently swing too far in the other direction.
This type of doting attention, described with the baby above, is known as “over-stimulation.” Other times it may be called “intrusiveness,” as in when a parent is “intruding” into his or her child’s physical or emotional space. The risk of over-stimulation or intrusion is that it can be overwhelming for a child. Babies and toddlers do not have the ability to make sense of sensory overload, or directly ask for space. Instead, the body takes over to help manage the overwhelm, resulting in the baby’s heart rate increasing or the baby “zoning out.” Time after time, all this over-stimulation creates a situation in which the child is chronically physiologically over-activated. Chronic over-activation puts strain on their already delicately developing nervous system.
In addition to activation in the body, overstimulation can leave a child unsure how to be in the world without stimulation. If you frequently have someone in your face, entertaining you with toys, tickling you, or singing you songs, you may start to feel like something is wrong when that is not happening.
How can parents and family members avoid over-stimulating their young children? Here are five concrete steps:
Follow your child’s lead
Carefully notice how engaged your baby/toddler is with a certain activity; if they are focused and appear to be having fun, don’t rush to bring in another toy. Try to allow them as much time and space as they are needing to play with what they currently have in front of them. This helps build their attention span and allows them to increase trust in themself to know when they’re ready to move on, rather than having others dictate that decision. Once they are ready to switch it up, rather than you choosing, offer them a couple options and see what they gravitate towards.
Limit tickling
Tickling can be a fun way to connect and get everyone laughing. It can also be tricky, as when we’re tickled we instinctively laugh, even if inside we’re experiencing fear and our bodies are flooding with cortisol. Because laughter is the natural response to tickling, it might appear that your child is having the time of his life when being tickled, when in reality, his body is experiencing something different. When using tickling as a way to play, go light and give your child opportunities to show you if they are still wanting to play that way (for example, do they continue to approach you asking to be tickled, or are they trying to move away or looking hesitant?). Consider mixing in other ways to laugh with your child that do not involve direct contact (using facial expressions rather than touch, acting out something silly, using dolls or stuffed animals to role play, etc.)
Take breaks from eye gazing and engaging face-to-face
There is nothing better than giving your baby kisses and looking into each other’s eyes. This builds trust, communicates love, and fosters healthy attachment. Consistent eye gazing or time spent up close to your baby’s face can also lead to an internal state of overwhelm. To minimize this type of over-stimulation, take small breaks from eye contact: allow your baby to look away for a few seconds and then resume eye gazing or face to face activities (e.g., peekaboo, bringing baby in for kisses, etc.)
Allow for independent play/alone time
Sometimes parents report feeling “guilty” when leaving their baby or toddler to spend time alone. While hours of alone time can feel scary or lonely for a young child, some alone time is healthy and necessary. It helps a child get used to feeling safe within him or herself when there is minimal external stimulation. Once your child is old enough to have object permanence (the idea that an object exists, even if it is not right in front of them), it is easier for them to build up the capacity to be alone, while also knowing you are close by and ready to meet their needs when they come up. Pick when to give your child space by watching their cues. If they seem content just sitting for a minute or having time to themselves to look at a book, allow them that time and continue to build on it.
Set boundaries with family members
Often family members inadvertently over-stimulate babies and toddlers because they are so excited to see them and show their love. Set boundaries with family by separating intention from impact. Communicate appreciation for how much your mom or sibling loves your child while also explaining the importance of allowing them space and avoiding overstimulation. This might feel like a hard conversation as the risk for upset feelings can be high, however it is important you advocate for your baby/toddler as they do not have the verbal capacity to do so. While they might not fully understand what you’re doing at their age, in creating those boundaries now you’re setting the stage for them to be able to advocate for their needs once they’re able.
SageWell Health provides therapeutic support to parents looking to improve their relationship with their baby or child, communicate more effectively with their partner/co-parent, or heal things being stirred up through the process of parenting. Please get in touch to learn more.