Reigning in Perfectionism: 5 Steps to Get Started
If you are a perfectionist, you know your biggest tendency when it comes to approaching tasks: procrastination (also known as avoidance). When the outcome has to be perfect, the thought of completing, or even starting, a given work task or household project becomes completely overwhelming. When tasks are avoided a tricky cycle ensues: they get built up in our minds as harder than they actually are, leading to further procrastination. On-going avoidance of things we know we need to do is like putting bricks in a backpack we wear day and night: we become emotionally and mentally “weighed down” until we complete the task, only to start this cycle all over again with the next project.
One of the most important ways to combat perfectionism is developing a strategy to get started.
Often once we can cross that hurdle of starting, the rest tends to follow (either by getting into a grove once started or building a routine of working in small bursts). Here is a quick 5 step approach to begin breaking the pervasive perfectionism-procrastination cycle:
Start with the most difficult task: In his book “The Road Less Traveled,” Dr. Scott Peck describes starting with the least desirable task as an act of self-love. When we can tackle something that feels daunting right away, we can then enjoy the rest of our day with less of that invisible weight on our backs. When you’re organizing your day, identify which task feels the hardest or most uncomfortable and commit to starting it before other things.
Set a timer for 10 minutes (15 minutes max.): Promise yourself that you only have to work on the task for 10 minutes. This may seem like a short amount of time, but 10 minutes is more palatable for the brain than 15, 20, 25 minutes etc.. Anything more than 10-15 minutes can feel too daunting and reinforce the desire to avoid all together. If after 10 minutes you’re feeling agitated, not productive, or dreading continuing, take a break. If you get into a groove, go with that and continue working.
Plan to revise/revisit whatever you do ahead of time: Perfectionism tends to broadcast a narrative in our minds that whatever we do has to come out exactly right the first time we do it. Counteract this unrealistic message by setting the expectation with yourself that you will return to whatever you do and reevaluate it: does it need to be edited or amended? Does anything need to be rearranged? Do you need to start over? Setting this expectation ahead can be an important step in breaking the cycle of avoidance: It does not need to be finished. It does not even need to be good, it just needs to be started.
Keep working: During those 10 minutes, just focus on continuing to work. If it’s drafting an email to a client, concentrate on getting words on the page. If it’s unpacking your kitchen after moving, try to start putting stuff in cabinets, even if it doesn’t feel exactly right.
Pause to ground yourself when overwhelmed: If you’re getting overwhelmed during these 10 minutes you’re likely finding yourself wanting to stop working and pursue something easier. Instead, try pausing and grounding yourself. First breathe. Then turn inward and check-in with the part of you that feels the need to be perfect. See if you can validate that part (“It makes sense you don’t want to do this, you’re feeling like everything has to be exactly right.” or “This old feeling that I can’t make mistakes is very familiar. Of course it’s coming up now as I’m working on something really uncomfortable). See if you can talk through some of the unrealistic expectations that you set for yourself (“It’s okay if you end up changing what you do here” or “this first draft does not have to be what I end up using”) and encourage yourself to push through the discomfort (“it’s okay to be uncomfortable. Let’s get to 10 minutes and reevaluate”).
This last step is often a focus of therapy. Sometimes the very reasons perfectionism takes hold are the same reasons talking to oneself in a compassionate way, that includes limits and boundaries, can be difficult. If you struggle with negative self-talk or cycles of engrained perfectionism that are not shifting, therapy might be a helpful next step.
At SageWell Health we specialize in helping people overcome perfectionism. Learn more about our approach to anxiety and perfectionism or click the link below to schedule a free initial consultation.